From the crib until age ten, I was on the receiving end of ongoing sexual (and other) abuse at the hands of the adults closest to me. Fuckboy is the story of my early life and how that experience served to shape me into a neurotic sex weirdo whose lack of boundaries, unchecked toxic behavior and chronically self-defeating decision-making eventually caused deep and irreparable damage to my reputation, mental health and quality of life. What follows is a table of contents for this ongoing memoir.
TRIGGER WARNING: This work is FOR ADULTS ONLY and its various chapters may contain explicit, unflinching references to child abuse (sexual, physical, psychological, etc.), suicide, drug and alcohol use, violence, pornography and other potentially triggering topics, as well as graphic images and descriptions of D/s sexual activities. Everything in this story is true. Some names and places have been changed for obvious reasons.
CHAPTER ZERO • I (BARELY) REMEMBER THE ALAMO
In this preface to the Fuckboy narrative, set in 1976, we meet the parents, my stepdad shoots me with a BB gun for fun, our family survives a car crash and we make an impromptu whirlwind trip to San Antonio, Texas.
CHAPTER ONE • CLOSE ENCOUNTERS
The beginning. A shocking revelation about my mother, an unwanted lesson from my stepfather, a trove of eyebrow-raising pornography, a found t-shirt and an unexpected invitation to a party I did not wish to attend.
CHAPTER TWO • KOOL-AID KIDS
My official sexual tutelage begins even as the violence in our household intensifies by the day. I escape to secret abandoned places, a cop puts a shotgun in my face, I learn to use a blowtorch and start my own business.
CHAPTER THREE • THE GOLDEN CHILD
A flashback chapter. We finally meet my father, a neighbor girl teaches me to “play house” and I get in trouble at school for an anatomically-correct drawing. All this plus the story of the courtship of my mom and stepdad.
CHAPTER FOUR • LITTLE HOUSE ON THE ALLEY
We escape from the stepdad — all too briefly. I meet a fantastic teacher, but fail both a gifted program entry exam and the big spelling bee. All this plus a pervy babysitter and the horrific apex of my sexual homeschooling.
CHAPTER FIVE • SUMMER OF SCOTTY
We move into a government housing project, my mother dabbles in polyamory, I learn a valuable lesson about wasps, and a mysterious bad kid in our new neighborhood inspires me in ways I would have never imagined.
CHAPTER SIX • READY FOR THE ’80s
My mother comes and goes, creating more instability for my brother and me. We ring in a new decade, I finish my elementary school career a year earlier than expected, and a desert roadtrip expands my horizons.
For more members-only memoir pieces that are not explicitly part of Fuckboy, check the Honk Plus Archive, which includes standalone stories from my childhood and adolescence on the Cherokee Strip, my rough-and-tumble early days in Wichita, and one straggler about my experience with SSRIs and similar antidepressants. Honk Plus members have exclusive access to this content, and more is added regularly. Thank you for supporting Honk — and please stay tuned for more.